Be Patient, For I am With You.

I am having a hard time blogging about this. It is still very fresh in my mind and my emotions are pretty raw and with the hormonal changes, it makes it hard to keep a postive attitude about what transpired quickly after the birth of Kyce.

Without going into too many details about the events of last week and the very real fears I had about our family coming down with H1N1 this close to Kyce's birth, I want to share how serious the medical community is taking any type of exposure to H1N1.

Someone recently told me. "I guess I just don't take it that seriously and think that everyone is blowing this way out of proportion." In some ways I agree with this person in the fact that H1N1 has some people super paranoid about getting it or other people who are extremely angry with the people that they think are super paranoid about getting it.

I guess if I was one of those people who knew, loved and lost one of the 1,000 people who already have died from it this year, I wouldn't feel like anyone is being too overly cautious. Yes, I realize more people have and will die of the regular influenza than have already died of H1N1. That doesn't change the fact that people are and will die from H1N1.

Either way... it is a huge issue even here in the hospital.
This is the sign that started out on the floor in front of the Nurses station when we got there and ended up on a big stand blocking entrance onto the floor.

If you would have went through what I did in the hours following the birth of my son, you would be very serious about being exposed to H1N1! The first thing I noticed was that the nurses were very vague about when I could get up and go see the baby.

It was already really hard when Benjy left about an hour and a half after Kyce was born but he really needed to be home with some sick little girls who wanted their mommy and I couldn't be there. Kaydree's fever spiked at 103.5 right before I went into have Kyce and Benjy hated to leave her when she was feeling so yucky. Even though we knew they were in great hands with JoDell, we knew that it was important for Benjy to be there to comfort them through, not only their sickness, but with the changes of me being gone and them not being able to see Kyce. We really didn't want JoDell to be there any longer than she had to be, and risk getting it herself and bringing it home to her little ones.

My parents came up and got the girls and brought them back home with them until next Tuesday. (tomorrow) I am just so thankful that they are now with my parents at their house, being snuggled and comforted. Even with them being so sad and dissapointed that their brother is 5 days old and they still haven't seen him, the girls are excited to know that it will be very soon, now.

If they have not been exposed to H1N1 the girls would be allowed to come up, but at the hospital they have screening questions because of that exposure and possible diagnosis (no test) they couldn't come up to see us.

So... back to my nightmare which even existed at all because of this exposure to H1N1.

Throughout the night I kept pushing the nurses to let me get up and see Kyce. I saw him for a couple seconds in the operating room before they took him away. Which is exactly what happened with both of the girls, however within an hour I was nursing them and holding them.

They told be that Kyce couldn't come out even though he was breathing fine and doing well because was 2 days shy of 36 weeks. Which was also frustrating because my doctor told me that in my chart one due date said Dec. 2 and one said Dec. 4th. He originally told me right before the c-section that they were going to use my Dec. 2 so that Kyce would only be admitted to the level 2 nursery if he needed it.

Well after many lame excuses and 8 hours later I was starting to get frustrated. I kept pushing the nurses to let me go see him in there.I was ready to get out of bed myself, because by this time I already had with the girls, two nurses came into my room. This is what they told me..

"Because you might have been exposed to H1N1 we cannot allow you to see or hold your baby for at least one week to 10 days." I couldn't believe it! I wasn't showing any signs or symptoms. I was on tamiflu only as a 10 day precautionary (overkill as the doctor put it) and now they were telling me that the exposure itself was serious enough that I couldn't even see him! Can't I see him if I am masked, gowned and gloved? They said no. I asked can't I just see him through the glass? I haven't even seen him for more than a couple of seconds? They told me no, that required me going through the level 1 nursery and I could expose the other babies. I asked, "I can't even nurse him?" They told me no. I said, "I am not even showing any signs or symptoms." They said, the incubation period can be anywhere between 1-7 days and that you are contagious one day before the symptoms show up. They also said that Kyce would not be coming home for 7-10 days because your daughter is still contagious for that long. Therefore I couldn't hold him for at least that long, also.

So there I sat, all alone because my husband was home with our sick girls. I couldn't hold or even see my baby because I might have been exposed and I might have it. Even though there was no way to confirm it. They wouldn't test Kaydree or myself to see if we really had it....the exposure that each of us had was enough to warrant their reaction. They told me that they would supplement my baby with formula and maybe my breast milk, but they would have to check on that since I needed to be on tamiflu.

I cannot tell you the thoughts and feelings of helplessness that I had. I know that no one ever would intentionally ever want to expose this to anyone, but obviously the medical community is taking this very seriously and cautiously screening and using their best judgement when it comes to spreading the risk of exposure.

I called Benjy and my mom at 5AM, hysterical. All I kept saying was, "They won't even let me hold or see my baby because I might have been exposed to H1N1." That to me is not something I know that I will NEVER forget...and I NEVER would want anyone to experience what I did. That is why my children will not be going back to school for at least a week or be around other people. Now they won't be able to be home when we bring Kyce home and I have two little girls who want to be with their mommy and their little brother and just can't right now because of a virus that some people just don't take seriously.

When discussing this with someone about how we should all be very overly cautious and will not use POOR JUDGEMENT with being sick in the upcoming months especially when it comes to feeling like we need to be at work, school, church or out and about when we absolutely don't have to. If the girls were exposed it was because someone was somewhere other than home when they were still contagious. Maybe knowingly or not knowingly.

As I sat in that dark hospital room, all alone, I realized that everything was going to be okay and I realized I am never alone. I have the support of people who love and cared about me and most of all I knew that my Heavenly Father was watching out for all of us.

Then the words that Benjy said to me came back into my mind... he said, "Be patient, Kristen, it will all be okay." I will say that within hours and after pushing to see the written policy about being able to see Kyce, we were able to see him by 9AM in gowns and masks. As of now I am still symptom free and able to nurse my little one and he is doing great! Will it be a little bitter sweet bringing him home without the girls there? Absolutely, however there will be plenty of time for us all to bond as a family and enjoy our new little addition.