We are Learning..

That Kyce loves to sleep all day and be awake all night. This should be fun for the rest of the family at Thanksgiving...;-) Should we apologize now?
This is what your heels look like when your Mom has gestational diabetes and they check your blood sugar too. Along with being checked for Jaundice every other day. Kyce cries if you even touch his feet. (Bad memories for him, I guess?)

He loves to be held.. notice it is daytime and he is sleeping.

He loves being in the sun which helps his Jaundice. It is a flash back from when Kaydree was a baby. He looks so much like her and we use to have to put her in a diaper in the sun, too. She also loved the same Nuk. Karsyn didn't take one and Kyce loves the same one Kaydree loved.

He looks so sweet and innocent, but he still loves to wee, wee all over us and his outfits, his hair, blankets and he even managed to get some in his ear? Karsyn and I have started a tag team effort of blocking his efforts. We are about 50% successful.

He hates having his little hands covered. Also, it is nighttime and he is wide awake!
Again, he was laying on his blanket so nice and then I noticed a stream...(next picture)

Yep, he is guilty again, it came right out the side. The laundry has doubled since this little one came home!
He loves to play with his hair, just like Karsyn. She still twirls to go to sleep or drink a cup of milk. I love seeing how much Kyce already is following in his sister's footsteps! It is fun noticing the similarities and differences and what makes him special and unique and yet very much apart of our family! Karsyn is starting to love up her little brother. He is no longer something that has upset her lifestyle but very much something she looks forward to seeing in the morning and when she gets home! Yay!

Things Don't Always Go As Planned.

Although we got off to a tough start in the Level Two Nursery and things didn't go exactly like we planned, we were still able to have many tender moments with Kyce. We would have loved to have him in our room with us but my heart just aches for those parents that have gone through a lot worse than we did. We saw babies in there that made Kyce look like a giant, babies that have been in there for 6 weeks and babies that can't be held at all. If I think about it, I still get teary eyed. Having Kyce in the Level Two Nursery was difficult for us as I am sure it is for every parent. When Kaydree and Karsyn were born, they came to bring Kaydree to the Nursery once and they got half way down the hall and Benjy wanted to go and get her. So she had one short trip to the Nursery in 3 days, maybe an hour or so. When Karsyn was born they took her on the second night after we reluctantly said they could take her between a feeding and they actually brought her back to me and said she was waking up all the other babies. So obviously we had to let go the idea of how we wanted things to be with Kyce in the room with us as much as possible. Our little peanut loved this little snuggly thing they have in there. We thought it was so cute how it looked like he was praying with his feet. He still does this at home sometimes.

When we would get up every 2-3 hours to go feed him, Benjy would often look at me and say, "Aren't you tired." I have to admit, I don't know if it was the hormones or the pain medication, but I couldn't wait to go see him again and didn't feel tired. Often times the nurses would come in to wake us up and I was standing there waiting for Benjy to get up so we could go.

I would nurse him, but then we would do extra supplementing with my milk through a bottle, just to make sure he was always getting enough. Benjy did the bottling and was very good at it!
Once again, we threw out the idea of not giving Kyce any bottles for a couple of weeks, so that he would be a great nurser. Whatever...he is a little lion when it comes time to eat. Giving him the bottle doesn't seem to have effected that in any way. Bonus: He takes a bottle really well... great for the day after Thanksgiving Shopping Day and going to see New Moon!

I love those little toes. He looked like E.T. except the light was on his foot instead of his finger!

We have had so much fun already having him home. Although after the first 8 hours we had an entire full load of laundry of just Kyce's blankets, onsies, pajamas, socks and burp cloths. I mean really. I can't even tell you how many times we have been tinkled on! In fact Benjy took him to the room to have a little talk with him about this tinkling on us, himself and everything else. In fact if you ask Benjy about it , he could go on for hours about how ridiculous this is that we can't seem to get control of this little issue.
Finding good socks that stay on his feet is a task!
He looks so tiny in his little car seat. I told Benjy when we found out we were pregnant that this time, the hospital was going to have to kick me out before I would go home. I went home a day early with both girls because Benjy was ready to get home and get out of the hospital. Well this time I was the one who was ready to run out the door of the hospital. Other than two not so good experiences, overall we had a great nursing staff. I just couldn't wait to get Kyce home in order to have unlimited access to him, to be able to hold him for hours, to be able to watch him sleep and have him with us at all times! I seriously watch him with the girls and I am just so, so happy! I feel like he is our miracle little baby that for a couple of years, we just didn't think would happen and I thank my Father in Heaven and my husband for the blessing of this beautiful little baby.

Be Patient, For I am With You.

I am having a hard time blogging about this. It is still very fresh in my mind and my emotions are pretty raw and with the hormonal changes, it makes it hard to keep a postive attitude about what transpired quickly after the birth of Kyce.

Without going into too many details about the events of last week and the very real fears I had about our family coming down with H1N1 this close to Kyce's birth, I want to share how serious the medical community is taking any type of exposure to H1N1.

Someone recently told me. "I guess I just don't take it that seriously and think that everyone is blowing this way out of proportion." In some ways I agree with this person in the fact that H1N1 has some people super paranoid about getting it or other people who are extremely angry with the people that they think are super paranoid about getting it.

I guess if I was one of those people who knew, loved and lost one of the 1,000 people who already have died from it this year, I wouldn't feel like anyone is being too overly cautious. Yes, I realize more people have and will die of the regular influenza than have already died of H1N1. That doesn't change the fact that people are and will die from H1N1.

Either way... it is a huge issue even here in the hospital.
This is the sign that started out on the floor in front of the Nurses station when we got there and ended up on a big stand blocking entrance onto the floor.

If you would have went through what I did in the hours following the birth of my son, you would be very serious about being exposed to H1N1! The first thing I noticed was that the nurses were very vague about when I could get up and go see the baby.

It was already really hard when Benjy left about an hour and a half after Kyce was born but he really needed to be home with some sick little girls who wanted their mommy and I couldn't be there. Kaydree's fever spiked at 103.5 right before I went into have Kyce and Benjy hated to leave her when she was feeling so yucky. Even though we knew they were in great hands with JoDell, we knew that it was important for Benjy to be there to comfort them through, not only their sickness, but with the changes of me being gone and them not being able to see Kyce. We really didn't want JoDell to be there any longer than she had to be, and risk getting it herself and bringing it home to her little ones.

My parents came up and got the girls and brought them back home with them until next Tuesday. (tomorrow) I am just so thankful that they are now with my parents at their house, being snuggled and comforted. Even with them being so sad and dissapointed that their brother is 5 days old and they still haven't seen him, the girls are excited to know that it will be very soon, now.

If they have not been exposed to H1N1 the girls would be allowed to come up, but at the hospital they have screening questions because of that exposure and possible diagnosis (no test) they couldn't come up to see us.

So... back to my nightmare which even existed at all because of this exposure to H1N1.

Throughout the night I kept pushing the nurses to let me get up and see Kyce. I saw him for a couple seconds in the operating room before they took him away. Which is exactly what happened with both of the girls, however within an hour I was nursing them and holding them.

They told be that Kyce couldn't come out even though he was breathing fine and doing well because was 2 days shy of 36 weeks. Which was also frustrating because my doctor told me that in my chart one due date said Dec. 2 and one said Dec. 4th. He originally told me right before the c-section that they were going to use my Dec. 2 so that Kyce would only be admitted to the level 2 nursery if he needed it.

Well after many lame excuses and 8 hours later I was starting to get frustrated. I kept pushing the nurses to let me go see him in there.I was ready to get out of bed myself, because by this time I already had with the girls, two nurses came into my room. This is what they told me..

"Because you might have been exposed to H1N1 we cannot allow you to see or hold your baby for at least one week to 10 days." I couldn't believe it! I wasn't showing any signs or symptoms. I was on tamiflu only as a 10 day precautionary (overkill as the doctor put it) and now they were telling me that the exposure itself was serious enough that I couldn't even see him! Can't I see him if I am masked, gowned and gloved? They said no. I asked can't I just see him through the glass? I haven't even seen him for more than a couple of seconds? They told me no, that required me going through the level 1 nursery and I could expose the other babies. I asked, "I can't even nurse him?" They told me no. I said, "I am not even showing any signs or symptoms." They said, the incubation period can be anywhere between 1-7 days and that you are contagious one day before the symptoms show up. They also said that Kyce would not be coming home for 7-10 days because your daughter is still contagious for that long. Therefore I couldn't hold him for at least that long, also.

So there I sat, all alone because my husband was home with our sick girls. I couldn't hold or even see my baby because I might have been exposed and I might have it. Even though there was no way to confirm it. They wouldn't test Kaydree or myself to see if we really had it....the exposure that each of us had was enough to warrant their reaction. They told me that they would supplement my baby with formula and maybe my breast milk, but they would have to check on that since I needed to be on tamiflu.

I cannot tell you the thoughts and feelings of helplessness that I had. I know that no one ever would intentionally ever want to expose this to anyone, but obviously the medical community is taking this very seriously and cautiously screening and using their best judgement when it comes to spreading the risk of exposure.

I called Benjy and my mom at 5AM, hysterical. All I kept saying was, "They won't even let me hold or see my baby because I might have been exposed to H1N1." That to me is not something I know that I will NEVER forget...and I NEVER would want anyone to experience what I did. That is why my children will not be going back to school for at least a week or be around other people. Now they won't be able to be home when we bring Kyce home and I have two little girls who want to be with their mommy and their little brother and just can't right now because of a virus that some people just don't take seriously.

When discussing this with someone about how we should all be very overly cautious and will not use POOR JUDGEMENT with being sick in the upcoming months especially when it comes to feeling like we need to be at work, school, church or out and about when we absolutely don't have to. If the girls were exposed it was because someone was somewhere other than home when they were still contagious. Maybe knowingly or not knowingly.

As I sat in that dark hospital room, all alone, I realized that everything was going to be okay and I realized I am never alone. I have the support of people who love and cared about me and most of all I knew that my Heavenly Father was watching out for all of us.

Then the words that Benjy said to me came back into my mind... he said, "Be patient, Kristen, it will all be okay." I will say that within hours and after pushing to see the written policy about being able to see Kyce, we were able to see him by 9AM in gowns and masks. As of now I am still symptom free and able to nurse my little one and he is doing great! Will it be a little bitter sweet bringing him home without the girls there? Absolutely, however there will be plenty of time for us all to bond as a family and enjoy our new little addition.

Kyce's Birth

On Wednesday, I blogged about the calm before the storm in the morning. Little did I know then just how turbulant and exuberant our lives were about to come. The rollercoaster of life's ups and downs was nearing a huge mountain.

I felt incredible anxiety waking up with sick girls knowing that we might have been exposed to H1N1 and I was nearing the end of my pregnancy with a doctor planned c-section in order to avoid the chance of a ruptured uterine wall.

After many prayers and finally feeling peaceful and calm I took the girls to the doctor where he put into words, "I wouldn't normally treat your family, however with a birth of a baby a week a way, we are going to overkill this one and just be safe." I got a prescription from my ob/gyn for tamiflu and the girls each got one also.

In the stress of the moment worrying about my sick little peanuts and my little peanut on the way I started seeking out the girls' tamiflu, which most pharmacies seemed to be out of due to a back order. After hours we found a Walgreens that would have it ready in a couple of hours.

While sitting at the doctor's office I could feel the stress building and I started contracting pretty strongly, which has happened off and on throughout all of my pregnancies. I find once I relax, drink a ton of water and just lay down, they usually go away. However when we got home I did the normal steps and found that the contractions were getting closer together and very strong throughout my back and not just the normal tightening.
So after some tears and fighting with my stubborn self that kept saying, "I am not going to have this baby before 36 weeks." I asked Benjy what he thought I should do and he asked me, "Are you afraid of dying?" My response was, "No, but I am afraid to lose this little one." He said, "There you go, there is your answer, if you rupture, he doesn't have a chance." That was enough to get me to make the trip to the dreaded labor and deliver, in hopes that they would buy us both at least another week to the scheduled c-section.

Upon arriving, they put me into a back room with a mask (noted in the computer, H1N1 exposure) and hooked me up to the monitors and saw that the contractions taking place were very regular, about every 5 minutes, my blood pressures were coming in at 190/88-90, the babies heart rate took a big long dip and so they kept telling me for two hours...we are going to test this and that and hook you up to an IV in hopes to slow the contractions and buy you some more time. They didn't want to give me a shot of turbutaline to stop it because they didn't like the way my contrations were coming down. (words that were told to me 5 years ago with Karsyn) Benjy stayed with the girls, because who were we going to ask to subject themselves to possible exposure to H1N1, plus Benjy was waiting to be able to go the drive-thru with sick kiddos at Walgreens to get their tamiflu. We didn't want to subject anyone else to this unless absolutely necessary.
I kept asking them for 2 hours, "Should I call my husband?" They kept reassuring me that they were just watching me to see what would happend and that they would let me know.

All of the sudden, in what seems like a blur right now, the doctor came in and informed me that he didn't like the way things were looking and that we couldn't let this go any longer and that we were going to do a c-section. I was invisioning myself getting up and walking out and saying, "Nope, I'll see you next week because I AM NOT HAVING THIS BABY BEFORE 36 WEEKS!" However... I thought, "If I walk out of this hospital and I rupture, I would never forgive myself." So I said, "okay, when? I will call my husband." He said, "NOW. We are doing the c-section now." In walks an anesthesiologist, a nurse anesthetist, someone with a lot of papers, a couple of nurses and someone to draw more blood. As I am on the phone calling Benjy telling him, "you have to get here now," the nurse says, "we can't wait for him, do you have a camera, I can take pictures, we are here for you."

AHHHHHH .... slow down, way too fast. I am not having this baby without my husband here...

So Benjy thought I was kind of kidding and wasn't really sensing the panic in my voice until I hung up on him so that they could start prepping me to leave for the surgery.

Thank goodness, thank goodness for friends like JoDell and others who willingly told us to call, no matter what! Benjy called her and she ran out the door maybe in her slippers and was at our house within minutes because her mom, Judy, was already there to keep her children. She gave Benjy some quick tips on how to get here fast and how to park and RUN... (which I still get teary eyed to think that JoDell herself has a 2 year old with asthma and a 4 month old baby to worry about getting H1N1 and yet she came without hesitation)

The whole team waited about 5 minutes and said," we have to move for the sake of this baby, when your husband gets here, we will bring him in."
As they finished giving me the spinal tap, in walked Benjy and instantly I knew everything would be okay!

He grabbed my shaking hand, kissed me and said, "I love you and don't worry...it is going to be okay." Now...after what seemed like forever... out came baby Kyce at a whopping 6 pounds 8.6 ounces and screaming his head off, just like his sisters.

Benjy said, "no gorey pictures." I think these are beautiful.

A little of Kaydree, a little of Karsyn and a whole lot of hair!

Just as I felt a sigh of relief that he looked and sounded good, they told me that he would still be an automatic admittance into the level 2 nursery because he was shy of 36 weeks by 2 days and that coupled with the possible exposure to H1N1 in our house. Little did I know that my world was about to come crashing down...more to come. (Don't worry everything is a-okay now.)

The Calm Before the Storm.

About 24 hours ago I sat at my computer enjoying the peaceful, quiet morning after the girls left for school. In fact I updated my facebook profile saying how I felt so content and peaceful , that life was good.....and then....

less than 24 hours later...
The storm has hit. I am trying to have faith that everything will be okay. I am maybe a week away from having this little one. In terms of pre-term labor this pregnancy has been so much better than with both of the girls. I will be 36 weeks on Friday and at the beginning of this pregnancy I kept hoping to make it at least to 36 weeks and best hopes for 38 weeks. We have experienced such blessings during this pregnancy and I am ecstatic that this little one is still cookin' and doing well. My doctor is always weighing the risk of a preterm baby versus a rupture of the uterine wall and has been monitoring me very closely. I have been trying to get the H1N1 vaccine but as of last week my doctor said they got 34 doses for 2000 pregnant women. Even with gestational diabetes and being considered high risk, I wasn't able to get a dose. They gave them to those pregnant women with Asthma and heart conditions first. Which is more than understandable. My doctor just kept saying, "Kristen do not get sick with H1N1." Which I would chuckle, thinking of course that is what I am trying not to get.

So yesterday I sat thinking...we are so close, everything is going so well and then... Kaydree and Karsyn both woke up this morning with fevers, coughs, sore throats and body aches. My doctor is putting me on Tami flu as a precaution so that when I need a c-section, I will be healthy and the pediatrician is going to see the girls and hopefully start them on tami flu also. He says they are eligible since I called within the first 48 hours of symptoms.

After a good cry and some panicked thoughts... I started praying, praying and praying. I know that I can not control whether we all get sick, when this baby will be born and how this will all turn out. It is amazing to me how just saying a prayer and asking for some peace, I thought of the Serenity prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the Wisdom to know the difference. My wisdom is...I cannot control any of this...a common thought I get when I feel myself trying to control everything that is happening and I feel it building I think..."Let go...and Let God." I trust in him more than myself or anyone else, so I remind myself to TRUST in him and his plan...NO MATTER WHAT...I do not know or see all that he does or even a portion. What I do know is that he loves his children and these times of trials are for our Eternal benefit, our Eternal growth and help us continue to develop an ability to lean on him.

So my goal for today and whatever the next couple days/ or week brings... is to remember that it isn't important that we just make it through this storm but how we weather the storm. I want us to feel peace and faith and trust that ultimately it is our Father in Heaven who is aware of us and our needs and know that he has already provided a way for us to find safety and peace in times like this...

The Best of the Halloween Festivities...

I have to admit we didn't make it to the biggest parade of all this year. After already being at 2 we decided to skip the 3rd. It was pretty cold and windy and we knew that we were going out on a hay ride later, so we decided to stay in the warm indoors and watch movies during the day.
I put on all of Kaydree's glittery nails, so Benjy and I tag teamed (which he was very excited about) for Karsyn's spider nails. She just loved them until...

We went to put on her gloves that show the fingertips and most of the nails fell off. Everyone was ready to go and Benjy and I were trying to stick them back on while she cried because her beautiful spider nails fell off. Benjy has forbidden nails for next year..;-) Actually there probably is a hint of seriousness to his joking. I wonder if being a witch this year has transformed Karsyn? Yesterday she came to the doctor with me and they let her pick out a sticker and out of all the Barbie and Dora stickers, Karsyn picked a snake. My doctor was very surprised and he asked her, "Do you like snakes?" Karsyn said that she loved them!????

I think there were 25 of us that rode around on the hay ride to go out trick or treating and 3 that stayed behind with 3 babies. Thanks again, Kyle for pulling us around and Seamans for getting us all together and for the yummy food!
We also rode down to a local church to participate in their Trunk or Treating and Free games. They had 33 cars decorated and 1 boat. It was my favorite part of the night. The themes were so fun and it was like hitting 34 houses in 10 minutes.
My favorite was the boat with President Bush and President Obama fishing and they actually would throw out the bucket on their poles and then reel them up for the children to get their candy. It was so funny!
Then we went inside for the kids to play games and of course the girls wanted their faces painted right away.
When we realized it was getting late we were in a rush to get home since Benjy has a meeting on Sundays that starts at 7:30 and Kaydree started choir so we have to be there at 8:30. As we were trying to collect everything, someone said, "Don't forget to turn your clocks back an hour!" I didn't even realize it was happening Saturday night...so we were excited to stay longer and have some more fun! I love getting that extra hour of sleep. We were actually REALLY early to church! It was a busy week and a great weekend!

Pumpkin Carving

We decided to carve pumpkins for Friday Family Fun Night, since we realized if we didn't do it then, it wouldn't get done. Last year my parents were up here so my dad helped do the cutting. I didn't feel comfortable cutting that close to the baby belly so the girls drew the faces they wanted and Benjy got to do all the cutting work. Karsyn made incredible progress this year. She actually dug out the seeds herself. Actually I had to finally get her moving because she just kept playing with the insides. What a difference from last year. She about cried just thinking about touching it!

Kaydree is always so dramatic about trying to scare her sister. This year however, it didn't work, Karsyn just gave it right back at her!

Kaydree got laughing so hard, she couldn't even talk. When Benjy went to cut out the teeth she wanted and he cut the top ones right off. Then when he went to cut Karsyn's bottom teeth, he cut them off by accident. If only he could combine their teeth, they would have a full set...

Kaydree's pumpkin.
Karsyn's pumpkin. I think Benjy added a little of his own creativity to her face. She didn't have it drawn exactly like that!

2nd Halloween Parade

On Friday, Karsyn and I went into Kaydree's classroom to help her get on her make up for the parade.

It was actually fun watching everyone get so excited about marching in the parade. Karsyn was a little sad that she didn't get to march this year but next year she will. She decided to wear her costume, anyway.
I have to say, walking into classroom still makes me a little nostalgic.
She loves her class!

Notice Kaydree's long glittery fingernails... she looked creepy with them.

Kaydree got to wear her costume 5 times this year and Karsyn wore hers 6. Like my mom said, "At least you get your money's worth out of them!" Considering I always buy them on clearance after Halloween, the 2 dollars for each costume, really did pay off!
Getting ready to go march in the parade.